Being a mom to three {boys}: The first year

Here we are, a little over one year of life with three boys! I didn't think it was possible, but this past year has flown by faster than any other. Life is definitely crazy with three boys! So. Much. Wrestling. And yelling from the wrestling. And whining from the wrestling. And injuries from the wrestling. Even Charlie likes to get in on the action. Speaking of Charlie...my sweet, always smiling, baby boy has been replaced by an opinionated, moody, tantrum throwing little man baby. He even beats up on his older brothers if they do something he doesn't like. This is definitely a first for me to have my one year old act this way. He is definitely requiring some extra love and patience!

I have been asked many times by parents with one or two kids if the jump from two to three was as tough as "they" say it is. My response is neither a Yes or a No.

It has definitely been a challenging year, but I don't think the fact that I have three kids instead of two was the issue. After Charlie was born, it took quite awhile to adjust to being able to get anything done that didn't involve feeding the boys or changing diapers. But you know what? I went through that after Will was born, as well as with Sam. It wasn't a third child struggle as much as it was a new baby struggle. 

I feel like whatever challenges I am faced with as a mom are going to happen whether I have 2,3 or 10 kids. And the thing about kids is....they grow up. The older they get the less needy and more independent they become. Yes, they will definitely still have their challenging moments, but they will also be able to dress and feed themselves. They can empty the dishwasher, sweep the floor, and clean up their own toys. I have Will help bring in almost all of the grocery bags which is a tremendous help. He also likes to push Sam and Charlie in the grocery cart which keeps him from complaining, and I am much more efficient finding what I need. As long as he doesn't crash into a chapstick display. That could really slow things down. Hypothetically speaking. They can give the baby his bottle/binky/blanky, so you don't have to stop and do it yourself every 5 minutes. 

Overall, things are good as of late. All of their ages are so much fun. Will is almost 6 (!!!) and is really able to comprehend more and more every day, and we can have some more meaningful conversations. Sam is SO stinkin' CUTE. I wish I could strap a camera on him and just record everything he says and does. He is so loving, sweet and snuggly. I can't keep track of how many times a day he will say, "I yuv you mom" or come give me a hug. Charlie can be a lot of fun too, when he is in the right mood. He loves chasing his brothers around, and getting in on the ball playing or toy dinosaur fights. There are definitely days where I feel a complete lack of control. That there is so much fighting, and whining and what I say goes in one ear and straight out the other. Some days I am able to remain calm, and just stop and give hugs in the midst of chaos. Other days I yell. A lot. We are all pro's at the "I'm sorry for (insert offense here) will you forgive me" drill.

So, to all you moms in the throws of new baby hood. You are doing a great job! No one does it all, you hear me? It will get easier. 

And now, some cute pictures of my boys taken a few weeks ago after church...

Read the other parts of this series here and here.

Being a mom to three {boys}: The first 6 months

A lot has changed since the last time I wrote about being a mom to three boys. Charlie is now 6 months old, and I feel like we've gotten into a pretty good groove.

The last time I wrote, I was literally spending half my day either trying to get Charlie to sleep or nursing him. It was SO hard to get anything else accomplished, and when it came to me vs. housework I was definitely losing. These days, I can usually count on Charlie to go down for a couple naps a day without much of an issue, and even Will and Sam still take an afternoon nap most days. Charlie can also self entertain himself more when he is awake, and it makes such a difference in how productive I can be. For the first time since we've been in this house (over a year now!) I finally feel like I have gained control over my house, and it feels great!

Will and Sam continue to be such great big brothers. I can always count on them to make Charlie laugh, and even they can't get over how cute he is! They love giving him hugs and kisses, bouncing him in his johnny jumper and joining him for tummy time on the floor.

Leaving the house is more of a challenge, and I definitely have had some stressed out, hold my breath, pull my hair out moments while out shopping with all three. I finally feel like I have gotten to a good place though, and am able to just let things ride. Some days we leave 2 hours later than I wanted, the boys might require more attention/discipline, Charlie will need to nurse and we end up getting home to late for naps to happen. It is what it is.

I am still in shock over the fact that I got these pictures. They in no way accurately depict real life these days. Will and Sam usually want nothing to do with getting their picture taken. I had just finished taking pictures of Charlie for his 6 month post, and I asked the boys if they could come next to Charlie for a picture (not thinking for a second it would actually happen!) But, here we have it. Some adorable pictures of my three boys! Together! And smiling!

This picture cracks me up. I wanted Sam to sit next to Will, but turns out he had a poopy diaper. His little hands on Will's shoulders kill me!

Mama's boy

Oh Charlie, I don't know if I have just forgotten how your big brothers were this age or if you really are that much more a mama's boy. The way you look at me melts my heart. At nights while I am in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner your daddy will walk in circles around the house trying to keep you quiet. Every time you pass me your eyes are stuck on me. You strain your neck as he walks away to keep your gaze on me as long as you can.

Sometimes we'll be sitting on the couch. You on daddy's lap at one end and me at the other. Most likely with your brothers next to me fighting over the iPad. I'll glance up from reprimanding them and see you. Your big blue eyes, and an even bigger grin, just staring at me.

I will come home from my little time away at yoga and find you screaming in daddy's (or Grandma's) arms. All it takes to calm you down is to hold you.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't make things a bit stressful at times. You wanting mommy to hold you all day (and night!) long can get tiring. But I am trying to just embrace it. It sure does help that you are so stinkin' adorable!

New mom: This one's for you

You have dreamed about this day for some time now. Maybe it was long awaited or a complete surprise. But the results from peeing on that little plastic stick confirms it: A new life. So very small, but so very alive.

A flood of emotions overtake you. Crying. Smiling. Dancing around the bathroom. Tears. Fears. Uncertain of the journey that lies before you now.

The smells. The nausea. So tired you could sleep for days. Or perhaps not.

You're belly is growing. Although, no one else can tell just yet, you can feel it.

The announcement. Whether it's joyfully accepted or maybe frowned upon, one thing remains the same. God placed that baby in your womb. He makes no mistakes.

You read all the books, compare all the baby stuff, and wear those ridiculous looking but much more comfortable elastic waisted jeans.

Wait. Was that a kick? It's hard to tell at first, but at some point it becomes undeniable. There is most certainly life inside you.

Your belly swells. Your hips begin to sway. Ok, just face it. You're waddling. The day is drawing near.

They say, "Oh, just wait until you see your baby for the first time. The joy! The overwhelming love! All stuff good just floods in!"

Anxious. Nervous. Excited.

Achy. Tired. Ready. You worry that just maybe your body won't know what to do.

The time has come. The day you have been waiting for for 9 months now. You will finally meet your baby. But there is hard work ahead of you.

Natural or medicated. Hospital or home.

These feelings. Aches. Pains. The rush that comes when your belly tightens, and your body works to push that baby down. They're all new to you, but soon enough you will know them well. You're excited at first. Energized even. But the hours go by. Maybe 3. Maybe 12. You start to doubt. Can I do this? I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS! 

Then that moment comes. Uncontrollable. That baby is coming.

Or maybe God had other plans. It's not what you wanted. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Panic. Fear. Doctors rushing and cutting.

Either way, the end result is the same. Pink or purple, slimy and screaming, your baby is here.

Relief. OH THE RELIEF! All of your hard work is over. You grab hold of that baby. You are ready to just soak it all in, and just start oozing of joy and happiness and love for your baby.

But all you can think about is how completely exhausted you are.

The time that follows is a hustle of visitors. Family and friends oohing and ahhing over your little bundle of "joy". But then it all calms, and what is left is you and your baby.

Sleepless nights. Baby cries. You nurse. And nurse. And nurse. Your nipples crack and bleed. So terribly sore. Your body is definitely NOT your own anymore.

In the deep dark of the night, you sit there in bed with this tiny, precious child at your ever so full breast. Between the lack of sleep and hormones going crazy, you begin to doubt. Those overwhelming feelings of love and joy you were supposed to feel? Are instead replaced by fears of being inadequate.

But I want you to know, sweet, sleep deprived and overwhelmed mama, you are not alone. Those feelings of failure have been felt by every other mother. We may put on our happy faces or pretend we've got it all together, but by golly we don't.

I thought something was wrong. I was supposed to be so happy and in love with my baby that the lack of sleep and 24/7 demands of my baby wouldn't matter. But all I wanted was to have a moment to myself, and I became overwhelmed with what was ahead of me raising this child. Every night, for the first couple of weeks, at about 9pm I couldn't help but just cry. Over anything and nothing. Or I would be sitting there at night with an inconsolable (which I would later realize was gassy) crying baby and think, "Everything. It is up to me (and yes, daddy too) to teach him everything, and I am certain I will fail." Or there was the, "Well, it's settled. I will never, ever sleep again, and my husband will sleep on the couch forever."

I feel like it's not talked about enough, how hard that first baby is. Personally, I would have loved if someone was real with me about it, instead of just getting the, "Ya better sleep now, because when the baby comes you ain't gettin' any. Hahaha."

I think expecting new moms need to be prepared for the good AND bad. And I totally get it! No one wants to go up to that glowing and happy soon to be mommy and say, "So, I know you think it's all going to be just sweet snuggles and soft baby skin kisses, buuuttt..."

So, yes. That first baby is HARD. The labor and birth are HARD. Trying to survive on little to no sleep for days and days (maybe weeks) is HARD. Dealing with the terrible pains from nursing is HARD. Trying to calm a screaming baby who won't be soothed no matter what you try is HARD. Letting go of life as you knew it is HARD. Feeling like a failure at something that's apparently supposed to come naturally is HARD.

BUT! Having survived that first baby myself, and gone on to have a second...and a third...I can honestly say: IT GETS BETTER! The discomforts that come from giving birth will cease, and your body will feel normal again. You WILL sleep again (or at least your body will adapt to needing less sleep). You will get to know your baby and figure out his likes and dislikes. You will create a new, and even more fulfilling life. Your love for your child will grow to depths you didn't think it could go. You will become more sure of yourself and your abilities to mother. But most importantly, you will realize....

Will

 Sam

Charlie

They are so worth it.

Side note: Although, I don't believe I had it, if you have feelings of depression, anxiety, worries, etc that last for a prolonged period of time you may be suffering from postpartum depression. Please, oh please don't be scared or ashamed to talk to your healthcare provider about it!

Thoughts on being a mom

The fact that I am finally getting around to writing and posting this 3 days after Mothers Day pretty much sums up my life as a mom. There is always something or someone else needing my attention. Whether it is laundry needing to be folded and put away (uh, always) or a child with yet ANOTHER question for me, time  completely to myself is rare. As I am writing this, even though the house is silent with both boys napping, the thought that there are other things I could be doing instead will not leave my mind. But I will choose to ignore those things, for now, and hope that perhaps during tomorrows nap time I will get around to doing them. Although, I do have two episodes of Call the Midwife to catch up on as well. Hmmm....decisions, decisions.

I have really been struck lately with the profound role a mother plays in the lives of her children. From the seemingly small task of being there to kiss a boo boo or playing a game or five of Crazy 8's to the obvious teaching of life lessons and leading them down the path of righteousness with the correct form of discipline, they all play a part in that child's life forever. And it is a part that most often goes unnoticed and unappreciated, or so you think. It may take years for them to realize it. They will most likely be all grown up by the time they do, but they eventually will get it. I know, because I was once a young, unappreciative child who is now grown up with kids of her own and now....I get it. I get what a sacrifice it was for my mom to birth, feed, clean up after, homeschool and raise all of us EIGHT ungrateful and disobedient kids. And from the deepest part of my heart, I respect and thank her for that.

Back when I was dealing with my bad morning sickness, the boys and I spent one night at my family's so we could be taken care of. As Will and I were laying down to go to sleep, my mom sat and prayed over us. Even as a grown woman of (then) 26, I was so comforted just by the presence of my mom. It made me think of all the times I was sick as a child, and how just having my mommy by my side made it so much better. Now, having kids of my own who sometimes get sick, even though I may be tired beyond belief from getting up every hour when they cry out for me, knowing what comfort I can give to them simply by laying next to them or stroking their cheek is such a great privilege.

The day to day tasks of cooking, cleaning and thinking the whining will never end can make one quite weary. Why bother cleaning when it is just going to get messy again in 5 minutes. Why bother disciplining when it seems like they may never learn to obey. It may seem like what you are doing is a waste of time. That you are just a simple housewife/stay at home mom who will never make a mark on society. But those are lies. Sure, you may not be out in the work field making money or serving as a missionary in an underprivileged country. You may not be making moves in politics or have your own business selling who knows what. (Although, major props to any mom who does any of those things as well!) What we do as moms serves as such a greater purpose than we may ever know. Because one day all of your time spent caring for, raising and instilling all things good into your kids will come to fruition. One day your children will grow up to be business owners, missionaries, politicians or preachers and do great things for the glory of God. And THAT is what being a mom is all about.

I am so grateful for these two (technically three!) sweet boys who made me a mom. They challenge my patience one second and the very next come over to give me a hug and kiss for no reason at all. The whining and fighting can just about drive me crazy, but then seeing them cuddling together on the couch melts my heart. I am blessed.

Five minute Friday

I am linking up with Lisa Jo today for her 5 minute Friday!

Here’s how we do it:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat on the prompt “After” with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog’s footer}.

3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes for the prompt:

After…

Before ever having children I had a whole list of worries. Fears. Fear of "What if I can't get pregnant?" Fear of the pain of birth.. It was a list I kept on adding to, even after having two children: Worried that my kid will never talk. Worries about their health. Will they ever be out of diapers?!? Dreading the transition from crib to big boy bed. Will I ever sleep again? Will they look back on their childhood and only remember the crazy mom moments? Will they grow up to really and truly know Jesus?

But do you know what is amazing? Gods grace on us mama's. So many things I was worried about, I can look back on after the fact and say, "Wow. I did it. I'm still alive, and it really wasn't that bad." I was able to deliver two babies, all natural, and after even that I am actually excited about doing it again (remind me that I said this while I am in transition). I didn't die from exhaustion, and I did eventually get to sleep through the night.  

Will broke his leg at 22 months old, while I was 6 months pregnant with Sam, and had to be in a half body cast for 5 weeks. Those first couple of nights in the hospital with him my head was full of worries and fears of what we would have to endure those next 5 weeks. But after the first few days, we all adjusted pretty well and got back to a pretty normal life. I even weaned Will and move him into his big boy bed during it all!

God gives us moms this amazing ability to sympathize for our children that you don't even skip a beat when it comes to cleaning puke off of them in the middle of the night, and it's only after the fact you realize that that worry you had? Really wasn't a big deal at all. That with God's grace you will get through it!

Confession: I definitely wrote for more than 5 minutes. What can I say, I'm a slow writer.

Officially uncool.

So, something happened a couple months ago while I was sick that I never mentioned (on here at least). Something big. A mommy milestone you could say. 

For a while now I have succumbed to the fact that the chance of me ever being considered cool again by anyone other than maybe another mom is no longer an option on the table. I've got two kids with one on the way. My days are spent wiping butts, playing with blocks or puzzles and making snacks. My nightlife is cleaning up dinner dishes, watching my boys and thinking they are the most entertaining thing ever, watching a little Pooh Bear and being in bed preferably well before 10pm.  My hobbies consist of crocheting and crafts. I get excited when there is a sale on diapers. My only reason for actually having a social life is solely because of play dates. I get it. Not cool.

So, as you can see, things weren't looking good already...

One day

One day my boys won't run to give me a hug with a big smile on their face when I return from being away.

One day they'll be too embarrassed to give me kisses in front of their friends.

One day they won't need me to rock them to sleep.

One day they won't ask for me to hold them.

One day they won't want to cuddle in bed when we first wake up.

One day they won't ask me to read them a story on my lap.

One day they won't need me to kiss their boo boo's.

One day they will be all grown up.

But they will always be my babies.