Saturday, January 9, 2016

Pregnancy Diary 3 || Twelve Weeks

I was hesitating whether or not to do yet another pregnancy diary. I've been pretty great about neglecting this blog the past year, and life isn't exactly going to be slowing down anytime soon. I so love having Sam's and Charlie's pregnancies documented though. So much I would have forgotten without it. It's been nice to be able to look back and know kind of what to expect, since all my pregnancies have been so similar. So here we go again! I'm not sure if I'll be as on top of it this time around, but I'll do my best.

I never even did an official pregnancy announcement on here, so here it is. I'M PREGNANT! Due July 21st, 2016.

I've been just as sick as always. Medication helped some, and at 12 weeks I'm through the worst of it. Thank you Lord! I still have a ways to go before feeling good, but I'm grateful to be at this point.

I can't say enough how thankful I am to have gotten (and am still getting) so much help from my and Dean's family. They have been taking turns keeping the boys, and my mom and sisters have helped with getting groceries and doing some housework. I don't know how I would have made it through without their help!

My sweet boys have been coping so well having their life turned upside down for 7 weeks now. They are super excited for this baby though. Sam likes to yell, "HI BABY!" at my tummy, and they all want it to be a girl (don't we all!). I asked why they wanted a girl, and Sam says, "Because boys are too crazy!" He's got that right!

I don't know where to start with how amazing Dean has been. I can't think about it without wanting to cry. He gets the boys fed and dressed and off to where they need to be for that day. Some days it's bringing them to work with him and handling both at the same time. He keeps the house picked up and laundry going. He goes to the grocery store every few days to make sure there is food in the house that I feel like eating. Which at this point changes quite often. He has been extremely supportive and encouraging, and only makes fun of me a little while I cry all the time at anything. All the while working full time keeping his crazy business going. Saying I am so grateful for him doesn't even begin to explain it.

The roller coaster of emotions I've had so far has been overwhelming. I try very hard to stay positive and not to complain. I am able to get pregnant, and I got to hear my baby's strong heartbeat for the first time yesterday! Once the extreme morning sickness finally goes away for good I have wonderful, healthy pregnancies and quick, beautiful births, and I am hopeful this one will be no different. I am so blessed to have the help and support I do that allows me to be pretty much bed/couch ridden for a couple of months while my focus is 100% on keeping myself and the baby alive. It's something that is hard to understand without going through it, but none of it is enjoyable. (Besides of course the fact that the reason I'm feeling like this is because I'm making a baby.) Especially since you feel like complete crap the whole time. My desire to be able to care for my family to my fullest potential is so strong. I can't wait until I can get up early with my kids again and make us a nourishing breakfast. To teach them and see them learn something new every day. To be able to leave the house to see friends or get to the gym. To be able to provide a good meal for my husband when he gets home after a 10 hour work day, and then have him hold me tight without my stomach hurting. To be able to snuggle with my children without the lingering smell of food on them making me want to vomit. Not being able to do any of that for 7 weeks now makes me feel completely useless, and it's an awful feeling.

Another thing I need to mention is I have never been so grateful for my ever gradually growing relationship with the Lord. I've learned a lot about who God is the past 8 months (thank you D Group!) and have had my eye's opened a little bit more at the sin in my life. I have spent many sleepless nights in bed not knowing how to feel. Going back and forth between feeling self pity and then guilt and being reminded that he is a good Father who sees me in my suffering. For being able to cry out to Him how hard it is to have lost so much control over my life, but then being able to repent and give it all over to Him and know that he's got it all anyway. It's amazing how many times where I finally just break down after a real rough patch and am feeling so hopeless only to wake up and have a much better day.

Alright, I need to move on, All the crying I'm doing writing this is making me nauseous. Have I mentioned how much crying there has been this pregnancy? Well, there has been a lot. Way more than I remember ever happening in previous pregnancies. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself...

No bump pictures yet, because there is no bump. Soon enough I'm sure it'll pop right out!

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